here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have post one night stand depression
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
