This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
