i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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