can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
