He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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