Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
