That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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