Just fell off a train. Bad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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