did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
