I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
