Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
