I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
