Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
