i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
