seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
