I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
