This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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