I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's never too late to be topless.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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