best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
