so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
