Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
