Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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