Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
