i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
