dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
