apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
