whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
