OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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