i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
