So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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