is your mom at the bar?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
