I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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