so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
