ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
