DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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