is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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