i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
