Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
