Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
