oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
