and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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