saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
