i just wanna soil my oats bro
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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