no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
