the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
