what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
