what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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