On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
