Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
