even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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