I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
