This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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