Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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