We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
