You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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