you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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