I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
